IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE, I HAVE AMAZING KIDS

We don’t have children and we don’t have plans to add any to our family.  A business and a dog is quite enough, thank you, especially with our canine’s countless neuroses and never-ending need for high-quality undivided attention and grass-fed organic filet mignon.  But if we did have kids, we’d prefer the kind that know, by the age of four, that blue-for-boys and pink-for-girls is pedestrian, and that black is timeless, chic, and very slimming.  The kind with well developed senses of irony, wit sharper than a Prada model’s cheekbones, and the insight of Malcolm Gladwell.  The kind that understand that the slight recent resurgence of Post-Modernism is absolutely unacceptable.  And the kind that have great style.

barcelona-chair

Can you believe your eyes?  No, nothing has been Photoshopped here.  Yes, the infinitive is “to Photoshop” and it is a transitive verb.  Our imaginary kids totally get it.  Anyway, It’s a TEENY TINY BARCELONA CHAIR.  Knoll has a little’s line and the stuff is so damned cute that I think one of my ovaries just woke up from a lifetime slumber.  Normally I can’t get within a mile of a Babies”R”Us  without my fallopian tubes literally tying themselves into knots, but this…this is a whole different story.  Maybe kids wouldn’t be a such a bad idea for us, at least not if they grew up around the perfect, iconic classics.  Our little girl here is clearly a genius.  She conquered differential equations in pre-school during recess, but deep down, she’s a true creative.  Her real passion is working in the dynamically fast-paced world of media, so she’s now freelancing as a contributing writer and photographer for Architectural Record magazine.

womb-chair

Or how about this wunderkind we could have?  Don’t be fooled by her aw-shucks modesty.  She’s totally revamping Chanel’s running lines with her innovative research in textile science.  She owes most of it to her awesome parents, but she also thanked the charmingly diminutive Womb Chair in her acceptance speech when she won the Nobel Peace Prize for helping settle long-standing territorial disputes in the Kashmir region.

risom-suite

This handsome devil is our third.  He just got back from a dig where he found remains supporting his groundbreaking hypotheses on the dietary habits of several non-avian Cretaceous Era species.  But his real success stems from his early love for Scandinavian Modernism which, no doubt, is the result of Sunday mornings spent doing the New York Times crossword (in ink) at his Risom furniture suite.  Sales from his last book about appreciation for material integrity recently landed him on Fortune’s “Top 25 Under 5” list.

If you think good design is worth having around, don’t forget that your tater tots deserve some too.  After all, their futures may just depend on it…